


the ghosts that follow

by magicmads17



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Light Side Revan, Mention of sex, Non-graphic description of sex, Post-Canon, asshole revan, but not really, carth tries to be a good dad and a good soldier but sometimes you can only be one at a time, character injuries, force ghost, my revan is a bit of a dick and tbh we stan, no beta we post like bastards, the force as a little more spiritual than usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:16:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25233019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicmads17/pseuds/magicmads17
Summary: After everything, Carth returns to Telos to try to reconcile with his only son, who has made no secret of his anger towards him. Dustil doesn't know where to start, and neither does Carth, for that matter.Post-Star Forge. Goes along with Trace, if you want.
Relationships: Carth Onasi/Female Revan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	the ghosts that follow

**Author's Note:**

> back at it again with the character studies about a nearly twenty year old game that I cannot let go of
> 
> I just really think that Carth would try so hard to be a good dad and I really just. Love him for that. I have a lot of feelings on fatherhood, and I think Dustil and Carth's situation lends itself to a really interesting dynamic. 
> 
> I also think Dustil is a really, really interesting character considering everything he goes through, and I would've liked to see more of him, in some capacity (what exactly that is, I have no idea) 
> 
> My Revan continues to be a bit of a dick, but still light side. Just snarky as all shit, and would definitely still laugh when HK calls anyone a meatbag. 
> 
> Thanks, and pls enjoy. Comment too, if you feel inclined.

Carth only made it back to Telos after everything had finally, finally calmed down. Well, as much as it ever could. 

Republic brass of course wanted to know everything that went on in the final battle and the Star Forge, and he was the one to oblige. The briefing took a whole week, and he explained everything as far as he knew it. Revan chimed in once or twice to explain things about the Jedi and Sith, but mostly remained silent, uncharacteristically so. He suspects she’s been dealing with the full gravity of, well, everything, since there’s nothing to distract from it anymore. He hasn’t pressed it, though. Sometimes people just need time. 

And this was, of course, after they had all recovered from their injuries in the final battle. No one got out unscathed- Revan was battered enough to need to be in a kolto tank for a full week, and Bastila, even longer. Canderous refused to set foot in any Republic facility and tended to his own wounds from the Hawk, and the others collectively rested in the quarters provided by the Republic on one of the bigger Republic warships. Mission and Zalbaar made sport of exploring the ship, and getting into a bit of trouble here and there. Jolee and Juhani aided the medical facilities, healing the soldiers as much as they could, making quips back and forth, as their friendship dictates. 

Carth ended up being treated for his large collection of injuries that made it hard to even stand for long periods of time. Granted, he’s not as young as he used to be, but he’s in very good shape thanks to the years of conditioning. He hasn’t been that badly injured in a long time, though, and he forgot how much he hates having to be sidelined- he’s much better at action than sitting on his ass and feeling like a waste of Republic resources. 

They are confined to the medical wing of the ship for over three weeks- Bastila taking the longest to heal fully from her dark side inflicted wounds. Once Revan is stable, she even helps to heal her, sitting and meditating by her side for hours at a time and speaking to her softly, as if trying to entice her to heal faster and fully come back to the light. 

The only bright side of the situation is that he and Revan finally had time together, in privacy, once she was cleared to sleep in her own quarters away from the medical wing. Which meant she had immediately gone to his quarters and practically knocked down the door to finally rip him out of his jacket and have her way with him. 

Having sex with an ex-Sith lord that had apparently seen the Force ghost of his dead wife that she technically led to the death of and had gotten the blessing of said dead wife was not a direction he thought his life would go. But here he is, nonetheless. 

He thinks that the Force really has an awful, strange sense of irony. 

That being said, the experience was really not bad, honestly far from it. Revan seemed to read his desires the moment they’d happen and would respond accordingly- fostering a connection deeper than anything he’s ever felt with anyone else, which he’s sure is a use of the Force that he suspects the Jedi council would heavily frown upon. But he lets that slide. He tries very hard to be a giving partner, so they both come undone much faster than either expected, at first. It was a little clumsy, a little awkward at times, but Revan caught on quickly, and he learned quickly, and soon, their encounters were past the newness that comes with a new partner, and now into a comfortable, passionate familiarity. It’s odd, waking up next to someone for the first time in many, many years, but it gives him some peace of mind. And he’s finding that he very much enjoys her grogginess in the mornings, the way she protests and drags him back to the sheets when he moves to get out of bed. 

At the beginning of the briefings, one of his COs remarked that he’d never seen Carth so relaxed and well rested, and that whoever they had down in the medical wing was really doing a great job. 

Revan snickered and brushed her hand across his lower back as she passed. He can’t help but smirk in reply. 

Nonetheless, they are now on Telos after the briefings, Carth anxious to pick up his new post, and to finally see Dustil and try to patch the years of hurt he’s left. 

He docks the Hawk in Citadel Station, and asks Revan to wait for him here. She nods, and kisses him, telling him that she’ll be waiting for him to return, but of course in her more sarcastic, Revan way. 

It had taken a couple of weeks for Carth to contact Dustil. He had to go through a couple of networks to even find out if he was even here, but thankfully, one of his old officers had seen him and recognized him in one of the residential modules. Dustil asked him to meet in one of the lesser known parts of the newly-built station: a greenhouse pavilion dedicated to preserving some of the flora and fauna of the ruins of the planet below. 

So he’s walking there, faster than he should probably be moving with the residual pain in his limbs from the lingering injuries, but it’s a compromise between wanting to run to his son and make up for everything, and knowing that it will not be that easy. 

The pavilion is mostly empty, save for a couple of Ithorians tending to some plants. It smells like the lush greenery that used to surround their house, and the mechanical smell of a new space station. Carth feels a pang of sadness wash over him- even with the restoration efforts, his home will never be the same. 

Carth sees Dustil sitting on a bench, looking out into a viewport into the stars. 

Carth notices how he’s grown. He’s tall, and he’s strong, strength exuding from him in how he holds his shoulders. With the exception of their encounter on Korriban, Carth hasn’t seen him in person in years, and he hasn’t known where he was for less time, but it feels like longer.

Carth wonders if it’s even possible to make up for that lost time. 

Carth always tried to send messages to him while he was away, asking about school, asking about home, trying to keep up with his friends, his interests, his life. But Dustil didn’t like to respond, and would much rather Carth be home in person. Carth can’t say he blames him for that. There is just only so much you can do in the midst of fighting a war, then trying to clean up after it, then going back to war yet again.

As Dustil got older, Carth felt the distance increase, but he couldn’t do anything about it. And he’s kicked himself for not finding some way to do it, because maybe then Dustil wouldn’t have gone to the Sith and maybe he wouldn’t have to be trying to figure out how the hell he is going to try to reconcile with his only son who had made his anger and hurt towards him well known. 

As he gets closer, Dustil sees him and stands. Dustil waves, awkward, tense expression on his face. Morgana used to make that face, too. 

He goes to his son, and takes in how much he’s grown into a man- he’s inherited the sharp jawline and broad shoulders common on the Onasi side, and the striking green eyes and dark, unruly hair from Morgana’s side. He sees that his son already has stress lines on his face, and a deep scar down his left cheek. It’s a clean scar, but it pulls down slightly at the side of his mouth. It wasn’t there when they last met. 

Carth knows he must be staring in concern, he feels his forehead wrinkle with it. Dustil shifts uncomfortably as Carth stops close enough to talk, but not daring to get too close, in case Dustil threatens to flee. 

“Father.” Dustil says, neutrally. His scar makes his mouth move unevenly. Carth wants to hug him, but does not, seeing how Dustil stands, posture just as tense as his face. 

“It’s good to see you, Dustil.” he begins. Dustil exhales, something dropping in his shoulders a little bit. 

“You, too.” Dustil replies, as though he’s trying to convince himself just a little more. Carth’s heart breaks a little. 

A silence hangs in the air. Carth doesn’t know where to begin, and it seems that Dustil doesn’t either. But Carth wants to begin, knows he needs to. 

Dustil finally sits back down on the bench, motioning for him to join him. Carth finds himself looking at his son, while Dustil looks back out to space. 

Dustil, when he was very, very young, was always fascinated by the stars and would ask all sorts of questions to both of them about the constellations. This was Morgana’s expertise, so Carth let her talk about them more often than not. Dustil would then ask if Carth had been to the stars, and Carth would always say yes, even though he’s never been too close to one, just so he could see the awe in his son’s eyes. 

“... Well, where do you want to start?” Dustil breaks the silence and Carth snaps back into the moment. 

Carth breathes, and hesitates for a moment. 

“I’d like to know what happened to you, if that’s alright.” 

And Dustil sighs, and shifts uncomfortably. 

“I was about to go to school, then the bombs dropped out of nowhere. One hit the house, and I couldn’t find mom and I was trying to find her, then these dropships came out of nowhere and Sith soldiers surrounded everything, and one of the officers rounded a whole bunch of people up and found me and put me on a transport.” Dustil says, a little rehearsed and detached in that sense, as if he’s trying not to get too close to the memories. “I saw the Republic dropships as they flew us off.

Carth stares at his son, eyes wide. Carth had just missed him by a hair. If the ships would've gotten there faster--

“I don’t know where we were. I don’t know how long we were there, but we were on some Sith ship. They would take a small group of us every day, and some would come back, and some would be gone. None of us knew where they went. But then I met my friend, Selene, and she started telling me about where the ones who disappeared went- telling me about power and the Force, and how the Sith made people stronger. One day, it was finally my turn to be taken in one of the groups, and Selene was with me and told them I wanted to become one of them, and they shipped me off to Korriban. 

“They told me I had the Force inside of me, which I always kind of knew. I, uh… I saw things, growing up. In my mind. Things that seemed like I shouldn’t know about them because they were the future but I knew them anyways and it seemed like the truth. I never told you or mom. I didn’t… I didn’t want to give her any trouble or scare her, you already gave her enough to deal with, sometimes-- but that’s not important. 

“I trained at the Sith academy for a couple of years, and Selene went missing on what I thought was a mission. That was hard. I ended up getting along with her really well, you know, she… She was really something. Powerful. Smart. Dangerous, but not to me. Never to me. After that, Master Uthar told me I was to be tested to see if I could become a full Sith, which is when you, that woman and the Mandalorian came in and found the truth. 

The way he says ‘that woman’ is loaded with distrust, distaste… 

“After you left, I tried to get some of my other friends out. Got over half to leave with me, and we ended up causing a lot of trouble in the academy, so much that it’s in ruins, now. A few tried to stop us, and gave me this to remember them by.” Dustil points to the scar on his face. Carth numbly nods. 

“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done; having to… Well, they were too far gone. We couldn’t have saved them, I mean, we tried…” And Dustil is lost in thought for a second, and Carth wonders if he, too, dwells in the lost ‘what if’ moments. He knows he does. 

“And after that?” Carth asks. 

“Well, we found a couple of datapads in the older students’ rooms that had locations of weapon caches, some other Sith bases and another Sith master. So we took them to the nearest Republic ship once we got off planet and they nearly shot us out of the sky, but I kept screaming that I was your son, and eventually someone let us on board and we gave them everything. They gave me a ride here, and that’s where I’ve been ever since.” 

Carth sits in stunned silence. He still isn’t sure what to say, but he knows he needs to say something. 

“I’m very proud of you, son.” he says quietly. “And I’m so, so sorry for everything.” 

Dustil shifts to look at Carth, eyes a little wider and expression softened. The hard lines on his son’s face remain, but there is a light behind his eyes that was not there the last time they met. 

“I can’t forgive you yet, but I’m trying.” Dustil says, the honesty of the statement stinging the air between them. Carth nods. 

“I understand.” 

Dustil sees the sadness cross over his father’s face and continues. “They filled my head with a lot of things that I’m still sorting through. I don’t know what’s mine and what’s not, yet.” Dustil pauses, wondering if he should say more, then ultimately deciding to. “I know I was angry with you for not being there for so long, and for making mom worry so much, and for not coming home enough. And I still am.” He pauses, scanning over the lines on his father’s face, and the graying of his hair at the temples and the dark circles under his eyes, and the tiny shrapnel scars dotting his skin. “And I know they took all that and twisted it into a really dark place that I know I didn’t like but I felt like I couldn’t escape, at least, not alone.” 

“I’m glad you got out, Dustil. I thought I’d lost you, and your mother, and finding you there was almost worse.” Carth steadies himself. “But you got out, and you helped the Republic, and I am proud of the man you’ve become.” 

Dustil takes this in and nods, then breathes. He turns fully to his father. 

“Dad, I felt when she died. I felt that you were with her, and I felt her pain and I felt your pain and I felt her leave her body behind-” Dustil takes another breath to steady himself, which fails. He puts a hand up to his brow and looks up to prevent any tears from falling. Carth puts a hand on his shoulder, and Dustil tenses, but continues, forcing himself to breathe. 

“She’s followed me, ever since. Something kept her here, in the Force, and I think it was to keep us safe. She wanted me to wait for you here, she told me in visions, I think. She knew you wouldn’t give up on me.”

Carth has to make himself breathe, too. Oh, Morgana, even in death, looking out for them in more ways than one. He did not deserve her, truly. She was without equal, no matter how she would argue. 

“And I will never give up on you.” Carth says again. “I’ve been fighting for your future, Dustil. I want a galaxy where you can live free from wars that take away the people we love. I know that means I wasn’t around, and I’m sorry for that, but I thought about you every day, and after your mother died, searching for you was the only thing that got me through.” 

Carth squeezes his shoulder a little bit. “And she’s followed me, too. But I’m not like you, so I can’t see her. The woman I’ve been traveling with can, and your mother spoke through her, once-”

“Okay, yeah, who is she?” Dustil says, tone shifting, all too curious and a little threatened, it seems. 

“Well, I’ll tell you now, the irony of all of this is not lost on me.” Carth begins, matching the lighter tone. “Her name is, was Sarin. I met her because we both were the only survivors of a Sith attack over Taris. I thought she was just a particularly skilled new Republic recruit at first, but then I had a feeling she was something else entirely. We rescued a Jedi by the name of Bastila-”

“- Oh, I’ve heard of her. Some of the older Sith said she was young, powerful and condescending as all hell--”

“-- You know, they’re right.” Carth says decisively, not being able to help himself. “Anyways, she ended up training to be a Jedi, but learning everything much faster than anyone expected, and then we were sent on a mission by the Jedi council to go find all these maps, and then apparently your mother used the Force to talk to her, too- but in any case, long story short, we come to find out that she’s actually Revan, that Revan, and the Jedi Council reprogramed her mind so that she can only remember bits and pieces of the past.” 

Dustil’s eyes go wide. “Alright, you cannot ever give me grief about joining the Sith after that.” He states, an ounce of humor in his tone, but mostly serious. 

“I’ll agree with that.” 

“I find it hard to believe that you're close to her, but judging from the way you interacted on Korriban, I think you are.” Dustil says. 

“It wasn’t easy, trust me.” Carth remembers back to how long it actually took for him to fully, fully trust her, and all of the arguments and discussions about just that. “She faced so many temptations and turned away every time. Definitely didn’t say very Jedi-like things sometimes, but she always did the right thing.” 

Dustil nods, still a little confused, but catching onto the unspoken thoughts between Carth’s words. Dustil peers at his father. 

“... Why did mom talk to her?” 

Carth sputters a little bit. Everything had gone decently well so far, but this may be more than what his son could take right now. 

“Are you sure you want to know?” Carth asks, warns, really. “You’ve always been a bright kid, and I think you know where this is going.” 

Dustil’s face scrunches up and he looks a little disgusted, but in the way that adult children never want to hear about their parent’s sex lives, no matter how old or mature they are, not even as a joke. 

“Just get it over with.” 

“You mother appeared to her before any of us knew who Sarin really was --well, except Bastila and Jolee, apparently-- and told her to get me to stop moping over her and move on.” 

“And?”

“And she did. And that’s all you need to know.” Carth’s face betrays exactly what had occurred, however, and Dustil looks distraught, but his eyes sparkle with humor. 

“You’re sleeping with an ex-Sith lord. Holy shit.” he mutters, looking exasperatedly to the ceiling. 

“Look, I didn’t say it, you did.” 

“You are the biggest Republic supporter I know and you’re sleeping with an ex-Sith lord. You have to know how bad that sounds.” 

“She just saved the galaxy from the latest Sith threat; if that’s not being a supporter of the Republic, I don’t know what is.” 

“That’s fair, I guess.” Dustil concedes. They lull into silence again, but it’s no longer tense. 

“What are you going to do now?” Carth asks. Dustil shrugs. 

“I have no idea.” 

Carth nods. “Well, what do you want to do? I’d like to at least try to help, if I can.”

Dustil considers this. “I want to help people. Make up for some of the stuff I’ve done that I’m not proud of... I don’t even know where to start.” 

“Listen, I have ties in the Republic, the conservation project on the surface, and even a Jedi or two, if you want to go that route-”

“I am not being taught by the woman who is screwing you, dad.”

“--I didn’t mean that, or even imply that.” Carth defends. “And I know more than just two Jedi. I’m actually fairly confident that Jolee would take you under his wing, if you asked nicely.” 

“Who’s Jolee?” 

“He’s not involved in the Order. We found him living on the surface of Kashyyyk in a hut on his own. He used to be a smuggler, I think. Has a lot of wisdom and a lot of stories. Good guy, and has a lot of time on his hands.” 

Dustil considers this. “A smuggler Jedi, huh?” Carth nods. 

“... Wouldn’t mind at least meeting him.” Dustil concludes and Carth grins at him. 

“Let’s go, then.” 

And they make their way back to the Hawk, where Revan is standing on the ramp into the ship. 

“Nice to see you again, Dustil. Glad to see you’re no longer a Sith. It’s a terrible lifestyle after a while, and not to mention boring, all that evil bullshit.” She quips, smiling and calling to him. 

Dustil tenses, but still approaches. 

“Glad you’re not still a Sith.” 

“The Sith. I was The hot shit Sith.” She snidely responds, then laughs. “And I agree. Much better to fly around the galaxy and cause chaos on my own, I think.” 

Carth snorts. “And if by ‘cause chaos’, you mean harass me, then yes.” 

Dustil looks disgusted. “You know what, if all you two are gonna do is flirt, I will find my own transport-” 

“No, no, we’ll stop, right? Right, Revan?” Carth shoots a glance in her direction as they all board the Hawk. 

“He’ll stop, I’ll do as I please.” She grins. Dustil rolls his eyes, but laughs despite himself. 

“She’s an asshole.” He says to his father. Carth shrugs. 

“I’m overly aware, trust me. But I’m fairly sure it’s all a defense mechanism or something.” 

“No, I’m just an asshole.” Revan interjects, dipping into the mess and grabbing a couple of mugs and the tea pot. She hands Dustil a mug and pours the hot tea into it. 

Carth rolls his eyes. “She’s not a bad person, I swear.” Dustil believes his dad, due to the light swirling around her in the Force, and finds Revan’s comments entertaining, nonetheless.

Dustil cannot shake that it’s weird to have this dynamic and to fit so well into it already, when his mom is not there, and is truly no longer a part of the galaxy. But it feels okay, like she’d want them all to enjoy their time together. Like it’s okay to move on.

Carth moves toward the cockpit. “I’ll get us on our way, then.” He announces, then disappears into the depths of the ship. Revan returns, mug of her own and a bottle of very, very expensive looking Corellian whiskey in her hand. Ah, this is a smuggler’s vessel, surely. Whiskey looks to bee too far above either of their pay grades. 

She pours a good amount into his mug, and then into her own. She motions for him to sit down with her, and he does, perplexed by this woman and all that she appears to be. 

She raises her mug to him, which he returns hesitantly. 

“To not being a Sith anymore; lord or otherwise.” She says, then takes a small moment. “And to the Force ghosts that tell us that things will be okay if we allow them to be.” She adds, just for Dustil to hear, and he suddenly understands that Revan knows, Revan understands what he must have gone through, and knows that she will never fill the void of what his mother left, but she will be there for both him and his father, should he ever need her. 

They drink. The tea mixes with the whiskey well- some herbal blend that hides the burn of the alcohol as it goes down. 

Revan sets down her mug and peers at him. Dustil is only now fully aware of the pure power of the woman sitting before him- he’d heard rumors of how gifted she was, but to look at her through the Force is to stare directly into a star and it almost burns. She is the most powerful being he’s ever seen and he doesn’t comprehend how she’s contained in one body.

She sees Dustil realize and she smiles. He is a man, but still young, and has much to learn about the way of the galaxy. But he is an Onasi, and will do just fine in all the stubbornness and grit that comes with that, if he’s anything like both his parents. 

“... Just ask.” She tells him, and he looks surprised, as though she already plucked out the question brewing in his mind. 

“... Is my mother still--?” he can’t quite finish his question, not knowing what he wants but knowing he wants it. Revan’s expression softens. 

“You know the answer already.” 

And Dustil knows that his mother has departed, finally. No longer tied to this plane of existence, but he feels her lingering presence. She had departed a while ago, he knows, likely after his father found him on Korriban. But he wanted it confirmed, just so he knows he can trust himself, so he knows he can trust that she’s finally at rest. 

And he nods, solemnly. 

The ship takes off, and Dustil feels strange, but okay.


End file.
